An Introduction

Song : Places We Won't Walk - Bruno Major

My middle school years have become a blur over the years but when I try to recall one thing or the other, my memories start with a certain boy named Lawma.

Lawma was a boy everyone knew and loved. He had a kind of goodness that was really unique to him. So, almost naturally, people gravitated towards him a lot. It seemed everyone just came to know of him in that way. If you were to ask me how I got to know of him and his existence, I really wouldn't know what to tell you. All I know is he was willing to write up the lyrics of Riptide by hand and give it to me the next day. I think that was what made him so special in a way. Lawma just had the kind of heart and character that allowed people to be themselves.

He broke my heart in some ways - none that is romantic. Lawma and I started and remained platonic friends. I considered him as much a brother as I did the other guys. When he found himself in love, he loved hard and he loved true. He'd fall in love over and over again and the same phone call regarding the loss of such love would come on a random night and I was happy to hear him out.

We spent a lot of nights talking and trying to understand love and life. Although, most nights I'd come to realise I never could really help him as much as I would've liked to. There were more nights than I can count when Lawma would pick me up and put me back on my feet. I'd sometimes wonder how he could bring me back to earth when I had drifted so far off. So, when he came to me I had the childish determination to resolve whatever was troubling him. Most times, I didn't have the answers and neither did he. Then, that dullness of life would grip us by the neck and we'd hang onto the silence and the slight static in the phone call. Eventually, a joke or two would break the silence.

You could do anything with Lawma. He has always been the kind of person that you can go to for anything. It never came as a surprise to any of us when he found new places, new people and new crowds. His company was treasured in that way. Anybody could come to him and he was happy to help with whatever he had to offer. He was easy to be around and enjoyable to have with you. It's something I've always envied about him. He just had a way with people. You could place him in a room full of foreigners and he'd come out having made friends and learning at least one word or two in another language.

I've always thought of Lawma fondly but there's always that blurred bit where I grow extremely worried about him. I've seen him through stuff but there's only so much a human can show. He's always been the type to be easy-going but everyone has their days. When old habits start showing up, I can't help but wonder if he's going through heavy stuff that he isn't really aware of himself. I worry it eats him up internally and hope it won't be too late when he starts to see it bit by bit. 

The last time I visited him, I felt like a real adult although I was only 19 and had barely finished my first year in college. I looked at him and thought about the years we had lived through and the years we had left ahead of us. I really couldn't believe where we had ended up - neither in a good or bad way. I realised then what love might've meant and not in that sappy way. I looked up at the friend I had known for years and I felt a deep-rooted longingness, hope and desire for him to just be happy and content. Though he looked tired and beat up in front of me, I couldn't ever imagine his future being anything but that of love, ease and just pure happiness. 

~ ៷