A letter

 I fear you might feel that you weren't loved,
that you'll look back at your past like this and think that you were never really there.
But you exist and you persist in people's memory.
You are the kind of human that loves and you love compassionately .
When your childhood friend hears that one song
She remembers how you both danced that afternoon and sang and screamed.
When Christmas comes around,
She quietly waits for your cookies to arrive
Even though she is certain that it will not come.

You moved again and the house you once lived in

Feels strange to look at when you're not there.

And your mother has bore you much longer than those nine months.

She remembers more about you than you will ever get to know.

How your tiny fingers grasped her thumb, 

how it felt to hold you as a child and then as a woman.

How you grew out of your favorite green jacket 

And then the way you grew out of her home.

Your father looks at the rearview mirror

over the years, he got to see more and more of you there,

until you moved and now you drive; 

You're at the front seat.

The posters on your bedroom wall are peeling the paint underneath.

The care with which you put them up when you were a teen,

Blissful, hopeful and unknowing,

Carries them and lifts them up whenever they start peeling.

Your childhood friend of some long years walks by your home

Waves at your mother or your father, whoever's at home,

Or standing in the porch, or taking care of the lawn,

The way you look like them tugging at their heart

And killing them a little bit now that they are alone.

What childish thoughts have consumed you again?

What worries have prompted you to read this before bed?

Are you feeling insignificant? Are you feeling small?

When you look up at the ceiling, do you suddenly feel so alone?

You have time, you are still yet to grow,

Your mother's heels will give you blisters one day 

And by then, your fears, they shall be gone.

And all those nasty rumors, all the lies that taint your past,

Will be washed away by the truth and you will have peace at last.

Why are you restless? How did you break?

What has made you nauseous? What has darkened your face?

If you can love others, if you can forgive them and love them still,

Well, then, you are capable of loving and being loved,

And you shall love yourself just as strongly;

Until your love kills you 

And you will outgrow your tight shell,

And it will crack, and it shall shatter

And you will watch it break.

~ ៷