lipstick on a pig

i ate like a starved child on January

i felt there was no point any longer

if i ate pork, i ate only the fatty bits

if i had meat, i had 3 servings

and after my meal, i wrap sugar in syrup-soaked pancake

and then i sleep

lipstick on a pig

i was undesirable then just as i am now

when food filled up to my nasal cavity 

i allowed myself to dance,

i sang when it went down further and pranced when it all fit in my belly

and i grew and grew and it was the same then and now

lipstick on a pig

being a woman is such:

when i found myself grounded, just as i was growing out of my skin

just as i prayed and said it is enough

my belly emptied itself, all coming out of my mouth

and it happened in February

and it happened on a Sunday

when i swore it would never happen again

and when i had cursed men and i had found comfort in my sloth

well all my desires came back to me like a forgotten memory

and then i remembered all that i had wanted for myself

and that night my mother tells me she's living through me

oh god, then i should be doing better

yet, here i am

lipstick on a pig

in two years i made five enemies

and my five enemies tell stories about how i went crazy

now 50 curse me, yet i look out for them like a mother does her baby

i lie often and they catch up to me

lipstick on a pig

i'm trying to smile more often so that my face settles a certain way

so when people look at me, they might want to remember my name

were it not so damning, i wouldn't change

but it is such and such it is

lipstick on a damned pig

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