when the glimmer is lost
the fall from summer awakens
as autumn settles in, the air icier, meaner
the chill biting my bones
hurting the cracks that were healing
the body is pushing through
with more pain than anticipated
i carry too much with me it seems
the knees can only handle so much weight
and i know this because i met my senior today
she asked me how i was and i started
as though sobbing for someone's passing
all she could tell me was it was okay
- not that it was going to be
what does one take from that?
are my knees to buckle later from another deeper tragedy?
like the invisible ache under the skin
- right at the bone, just outside the marrow
i felt silly from the crying, from the trembling
from the peers passing by
i should be made of harder stuff
there is no power in the mundane, the mediocre, the ordinary
i went back and someone said my hair looked pretty
what does it matter? my hair is made of volatile stuff -
20 years before it turns grey or falls off
one look at what i'm made of and you'll find
dimmed lights and brittle, feeble matches
and all the broken ones from the lamps i couldn't light up
and dust on my knees from the crawling to find better ones,
more matches, more chances, more opportunities,
ache in my joints, ash in my lungs,
fingerprints around all the switches i missed.
~ ៷
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