if you ask me how i am,

Men I Trust - The Landkeeper

i got up and felt like unripe cherries - sour and tart

i had a cup of coffee

it tasted like a mother's hug

of which i can only imagine now

empty stomach soothed once a day

at 5 pm, when i remember i am still her daughter

before then, psychedelic rock to keep me sane -

i still have my father in my pocket

this is all to say, i am not doing well

but i carry love in all the empty spaces

yesterday i slept feeling heavy

like thick clouds, gray and unforgiving

but i dreamt of Emmet, all my other brothers;

like sun on cold skin

if life was emptier then

it is damper now from the laughter that shakes the stubborn clouds

how do i make it simpler that

i feel like i have walked into a busy kitchen

as though the dull ache is from a heavy school bag

i can hear my sister's piano - gymnopedie, erik satie

i came to work livelier, pregnant with puerility

and i went back home only half exhausted, 

having dreamt better dreams

my father likes yellow, there is turmeric in all his food

i used to puke them out but tonight,

i decided i could stomach a spoonful

well what i mean is

i do not know how i am

giving a curt answer would be abandonment

pray, let it be enough to say

i am here and i cannot answer

perhaps there will be a word along the way

tomorrow i hope

i get up feeling like ripe peaches

its juice running down my hands

sticky from enjoyment, pungent scent

following me to the train

i hope i give birth to my puerility

i hope we can enjoy a meal or two

three spoonfuls of turmeric,

to say i am happy, simply,

without the morose metaphors

for it to make sense 

for me, for you.