i'm still figuring things out

Senhorinha - Rita Payés, Elisabeth Roma

Sorry to go back on my words,
I'm still figuring things out.

I suppose I enjoy being alone;

So long as I have people to wait on ---

be gone a day or two,

But coming back,

to me,

after a while.

I suppose I do better with the wait

than the solitude of ambiguity.

I suppose I enjoy silence,

so long as it is soon to be broken.

By cheerful banter, stifled laughter,

My mother singing in the kitchen.

I suppose I do better with the laughter

Than the music lonely in the background. 

And if we are already supposing,

I should also suppose that

I might love someone later on,

And it should break my heart now

To succumb to the depths of marriage later.

I suppose that kind of tenderness might find me,

in time,

and soften these rigid walls.

I was so different, last April.

But, I'm still figuring things out.