The Noresoup Jukebox

playlist A familiar scent of blissful childhood lingers in the air; the season of pendulums.  1. One end of nostalgic warmth, like the moments I felt loved and seen. The other end stabbing me with the old dagger of disbelief. And you were in between. 2. The chill of winter reminds me of the warmth of comfort. I edge closer to believing in love and the fear of rejection fades into the background. I feel like myself or at least, what I imagine myself to be. 3. Then, the pendulum swings back and into the blue I drown; a sudden hit of reality.  Muted, suffocated, trapped by the deafening silence. The cold gnaws at my skin and bruises my senses. Out cold, ashamed, lost, and empty.  4. Then it gets better. I slip out somehow although knowing I'll fall back soon. You pull me from the wretchedness and I feel light and hopeful. This has to be the end. 5. The bliss in being loved blinded me from the truth that hid beneath the banter. Silently wishing yet verbally cursing us to the ...

 SONG:  Billie Eilish - Getting Older An internal battle An insufferable screech The piercing cries of my own plead A fight I keep initiating Taking faults so naturally Conditioned to be the cause Burnt to bits and lying soulless like something massacred Yet the fear of a life yet to be lived perusing my past coldly And the bitterness eats at me; hardens my soul How long How long How long Till what I do is right? Tears were shed but never the shame  Whatever trace of life clinging to my bone An indicator of my worth and the worth of my years My decaying eyes and ears that held hope and love once For the stories told, but most, for the people listening All the souls that heard and agreed The empaths that lent an ear and yet somehow forgot And out falls the feeling they got that now determines what I am Better yet, who I am - but to them Whatever the witchery of misunderstanding brewed up in their mindless heads Now an ever-rotting image of me that they carry What could I p...